by Mariana Aguilera, @demureista
Have you ever been told 'You're too nice!'? These words have been said to me throughout my life. My issue with this is the way they have been said--as if am doing something wrong in my life or I have some sort of character defect. Usually this 'too nice' statement is accompany by 'you need to build a thicker skin' It makes me cringe as well. Why? Because it suffocates a positive part of ourselves, it makes us submissive to the negative experiences of others, kills our good manners and emotions. Although, the minute I notice a person can't deal with that goodness or is not appreciative, I walk away--mainly because it's too much leg work to deal with such personalities. I prefer not to invest my time in trying to resolve the inner-issues of certain people. I find it weird that when one is polite, fair and courteous in dealing with others, some people find this to be a flaw. Hey, being nice doesn't mean I will let you step all over me and if you do or try(so far in my book, those that tried, have died in the intent) the flaw one is you dear. I am also not a believer that one needs to put up a front in acting mean and mistreat people to get things done--one can easily accomplish that by being assertive, politely. After all, I think it's more powerful for our decisions to defines us than a few curse words and spending energy on mistreating people.
A couple of weeks and yesterday I heard these words again and that got me thinking, is it really that abnormal for 'some' people to get fair and good treatment? Or are some people just used to being mistreated? The questioning usually goes on and on in my head because it's bothersome. I know it's a tough world of differences out there and more people are out there to get more than give. I don't believe one can be too nice, but I do believe in being wise about people and situations. Some people fight hard to not let their experiences define them and maintain the goodness in them, to be respectful and put some good energy out there--I honestly feel bad for those who are perplexed by that. Perhaps, it's a protective way for those that have been hurt to say something like that. Perhaps, it's a way not to face their own abnormal actions because being mean to others will always be wrong.
I personally believe that instead of getting a thick skin, not become our experiences and protect the goodness in us is to become wise in dealing with people and situations by building a sharp eye in detecting certain characteristics in people and stay away or deal in a certain way. But, I know as much as an idealistic world I want it to be, the reality is that we are humans and we're all led by both good and hurtful emotions. At the end of the day, your energy, manners and how you treat people reflect your upbringing, faith and mental state--at least that's how I see it. What are your thoughts on this?
Written by Mariana Aguilera